Tuesday, December 23, 2008

I Don't "DO" Christmas Very Well...

The last week has been par for the course around here. Christmas time is a stressful time anyways. But add a manic/depressive, 2 jobs, 7 kids and a small 3 bedroom house--it's not pretty. Then, for good measure, sprinkle in a 3 year old who has diarrhea. A 12 year old with anger issues and a 6 year old who is being managed by ADHD meds--but *that* is being counter acted by the sugar cookies he has stolen and hidden under his bed.

Saturday and Sunday I had a break down. I told all the kids that the slave/maid was quitting. I told them that the next person who inflicted violence of ANY sort on another living thing would perish at MY hands. I told them that NOTHING liquid would be ingested at my house except water--and they had to be SITTING in the bathtub to enjoy THAT.

On Sunday, they all left. I drank more than my share of spirits. And with every sip...instead of relaxing and feeling better--I felt worse. I feel my life is out of control. I feel I am NOT cut out to Mother 7 children (eight if you include the semi adult who resides with us that I never see)... Plus I suck at being a good wife--and not in the good sense either. My house is a disaster. I feel mean, mad and sad. I AM mean, mad and sad. I feel downright Grinchy.

Christmas music gets on my last nerve, peppermint sticks and candy canes make my stomach turn sour. Green, red...gag. Women wearing Christmas ornaments as earrings should have them ripped from their ears. How dare they pretend to be trees!? Are they retarded? Hot chocolate...even my boss has offered me hot chocolate! WTF? really. W. T. F.

I just want it all to be over. I really just want to run away. FAR away. Maybe become a waitress in a pub in Ireland. Have a tiny room. Just a bed and dresser. A book to read. No house to clean. Massive laundry to do. No ass to wipe. No koolaid to mop up. No heads of hair to wash. Just me. Me. Me.

Let me know when it's Spring. I'll think about coming back then...

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