Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Thank You For Visiting My Planet...

My new little thing here is getting almost as much traffic as my old blog. I see old faces stopping by (Hi ex brother and sister in law!) and new ones from different countries. Thanks for either following me over here--or stopping by because you saw some asinine comment I left somewhere else and thought "who the hell does she think she is?" and clicked on my lil ole name. Makes me feel special that you all can't seem to keep away--heck! Some of you come by twice or more per day--and I'm pretty sure it isn't that crazy guy I dated for a month.

So Happy New Years, fools! And thanks for visiting.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Ninja Kitty...

I love this. Looooove it. Wanna bury my nose in it and rub his little head...

I Ripped My Pants...

On Thursday I start depriving myself of good tasting things to eat and drink. OK. I will not deprive myself of a good beer or glass of wine, but I WILL stop eating alot of yummy tasting, chock-full of fat stuff. And only eat a normal sized portion. With a tiny baby spoon and shrimp fork on a Frito Bean Dip lid--that way I feel like my plate is full--it should work, don't ya think?

Anyways, today I was reminded of WHY I must do this. And no, I don't mean when I looked at myself in the mirror as I climbed out of the smokey shower. That is why I take HOT showers. It fogs the mirror and I *can't* see myself. I'm talking about when I unlocked the office door after my "errand" trip to the Post Office and Bank. The door to my "building" is metal. and I caught my pants on the jagged metal and ripped my jeans. And, my ass is hanging out. And it isn't pretty. And I know this because I contorted myself and took a picture of my backside with my cell phone. To send to my loving husband.

His response? "LOL!!" That's *it*?!? I ripped my pants, my assssss is hanging out at work, literally, and all he can say is "LOL!!"??? I need to lose some weight. So that the next time I send him a picture of my ass he might think of something risque' and sexy to say. Not fall down on the ground laughing at my cold white rear. Sigh.

PS: I can't leave the office until lunch--so, yeah. I'm wearing a jacket tied around my waist. But it's still a bit drafty in here.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Tiffs, Scratches And Bruises...

I get my feelings hurt easily. I try not to care what others might THINK or say in regards to me--but, yeah. I do. I care. If I walk into a room and 2-3 women are huddled together, talking and they look up and make eye contact with me--then go back to huddling and whispering--I am CONVINCED they are talking about me. And not in a good way. Instead of going over and saying "hello" or "let's take it outside, you bitch!!" I tend to want to crawl into a corner and lick my wounds--or run to the bathroom to see if I have a booger hanging out of my nose. Where I will then stay--because, my gawd! They are out there TALKING about me...

But when it comes to my kids... That is the only time I might get ballsy and kick some real or pretend ass. Today my Sweets took me and his oldest two kids (12 and 11 tomorrow) to lunch. I then proceeded to tell a lovely tale of how my ex husband is being mean to my 17 year old. She was his only bright spot--he spoiled her awful...until she started spending more time with me. Now he no longer takes her out to eat or to the movies or attempts to help her with the new car he insisted she allow him to buy her. Now he has a new sweet thing. She's 20 years his junior...and he plans to marry her soon. So he informed my 17 year old last night that he wouldn't be able to help her for a few months--because he has an engagement ring to buy. This upset my 17 year old--alot. As you could imagine. While trying to tell this tale--my NEW husbands basically says "Well--she wants to be treated like an adult--she should stop whining about having to pay her $400 car payment..." THIS pissed me off. Because this man, whom I love more than I ever thought was possible--seems to be picking the side of my ex asshole over me and mine. Plus, this lover of mine has had financial issues as an ADULT and was lucky enough to have parents who covered and carried his ass when he needed it. heart beat faster. My voice started to strain. My eyes felt full of unshed tears. And I went to the restroom. Where I spent a good 10 minutes. Trying to calm myself down. Lower my blood pressure. And I decided: Maybe some things are better left unsaid. I won't enlighten him of the pressures and problems of MY 17 year old. This is my burden to bear. He wasn't helping me--so I will keep it to myself. Less likely to get scratched and bruised that way. But this feels wrong. I still have a huge lump in my throat.

This post will not be up long. I HATE to say anything negative about my Sweets--but this is my REAL life here folks... this isn't a Disney movie. Sometimes it's a comedy. Sometimes it's a action adventure. And sometimes it's a drama. And sometimes it's just sad.

Nymphomaniacs Are Us...

In my first marriage, sex wasn't a HUGE thing. Ok, well, to ME it wasn't. Not that it wasn't good... It was fine after we got started, but it wasn't something I thought about all day. Wasn't something I craved. I didn't dream about it at night, 1 hour after we had sex. Not even in the "honeymoon" days. And that marriage lasted 19 years...

But, now? My second marriage?? Ohhhh myyyy. I think about it constantly. Body parts get all tingly when I just LOOK at him. I can't get enough of him. We text each other all day. Teasing and flirting. He brings me breakfast by my office. All day long it's foreplay. By the time we both make it home, I can't see straight. I've never felt like this. Is this "a woman in her prime"? If so--dammmnnnnn!

We don't take days "off" either. Heck, I feel lost if it's just once a day! I'm not bragging...I'm really stumped by this--but I don't want it changed. I wanna be 80 years old, bending over in my t-shirt and socks, in front of the Lakers game--just to get a "rise" outta him--hee hee. And you know what makes it *really* good? He's a man with a HEALTHY appetite too. We both are sex crazed. But who knew?

If my ex husband knew my sex appetite now...he'd be wondering "WTH?! What happened to her?" What happened to me? hmmmm... I dunno. Except I feel special. I feel important. I feel wanted and needed. I feel sexy. And all those things add up to some HOT sex--or in our case, ALOT of hot sex.

So, if you are not having sex sympathy. And if you are? YOU GO!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Ok, Christmas Has Been Saved...

My Sweets called me last night and asked me if I could go to WalMart for him (he was still at work). He needed me to pick up some cat litter and a cat litter box, Meow mix and a collar. ??

He then quickly informed me that it wasn't for HIM--but for a friend. Whatever.

He brought me the most adorable kitten/cat. He's orange/white tabby. Scrawny. Dirty. In need of LOTS of TLC. Just what a depressed person needs. A small, soft creature...that loves you. Rubs their little head on your shin. Purrs and reaches their little paws out for more scratching. A little baby that needs me. Wants me. So happy to just quietly sit in my lap. Kneading my thigh. Happy to just BE with me.

I now can't wait to go home for lunch. Someone is waiting for me. And they LOVE me. And they need me...just enough.

His name is Earl.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

I Don't "DO" Christmas Very Well...

The last week has been par for the course around here. Christmas time is a stressful time anyways. But add a manic/depressive, 2 jobs, 7 kids and a small 3 bedroom house--it's not pretty. Then, for good measure, sprinkle in a 3 year old who has diarrhea. A 12 year old with anger issues and a 6 year old who is being managed by ADHD meds--but *that* is being counter acted by the sugar cookies he has stolen and hidden under his bed.

Saturday and Sunday I had a break down. I told all the kids that the slave/maid was quitting. I told them that the next person who inflicted violence of ANY sort on another living thing would perish at MY hands. I told them that NOTHING liquid would be ingested at my house except water--and they had to be SITTING in the bathtub to enjoy THAT.

On Sunday, they all left. I drank more than my share of spirits. And with every sip...instead of relaxing and feeling better--I felt worse. I feel my life is out of control. I feel I am NOT cut out to Mother 7 children (eight if you include the semi adult who resides with us that I never see)... Plus I suck at being a good wife--and not in the good sense either. My house is a disaster. I feel mean, mad and sad. I AM mean, mad and sad. I feel downright Grinchy.

Christmas music gets on my last nerve, peppermint sticks and candy canes make my stomach turn sour. Green, red...gag. Women wearing Christmas ornaments as earrings should have them ripped from their ears. How dare they pretend to be trees!? Are they retarded? Hot chocolate...even my boss has offered me hot chocolate! WTF? really. W. T. F.

I just want it all to be over. I really just want to run away. FAR away. Maybe become a waitress in a pub in Ireland. Have a tiny room. Just a bed and dresser. A book to read. No house to clean. Massive laundry to do. No ass to wipe. No koolaid to mop up. No heads of hair to wash. Just me. Me. Me.

Let me know when it's Spring. I'll think about coming back then...

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

My Miserable, Lonely Lesbian Pregnancy...

No, no, no. Not *mine*. Andrea's. Andrea Askowitz. And as quoted " You don’t have to be a miserable, lonely, pregnant lesbian to enjoy this book.”

Buy it for all your friends. And all your foes.

Andrea's a cool chick. She writes amazingly funny stories.

*she doesn't know I'm plugging her (darn. THAT sounded gay).

Let The Games Begin...

I have decided to have a New Years resolution this year. One I really am serious about trying to stick to all year. It involves eating better and eating less. AND drinking less. I would like to lose 15-20#. And I would like to be able to exercise without puking. And I would like to love being 41 even more than I do being 40--to accomplish this I need to be able to bend over without pain. And I'd like to be able to wear those size 7 jeans hanging in my closet. And the shirts that cling to my chest--well, they cling to my fat rolls also. But I can not be denied--It's not Jan 1st yeeeeetttt.

I have 15 days left to overindulge in both food and alcohol. Food should be easy--Christmas fare is abundant this time of year. Alcohol will be harder. After December 31st I will only partake in a glass of wine a few times per week. No more Sweets and I laying in front of the fridge with the spout open on the boxed wine--yelling each other on to victory!

So my next few days will be full of sausage balls, sugar cookies, ham wraps and pecan pie. My nights will include Raspberry Long Island Iced Teas, Vodka and OJ and Whiskey Sours. You should enjoy yourselves too!! I mean, I know that most of you will have the same resolution as I do--tho some of you will outwardly deny it--as to not appear to be a massive LOSER on January 2nd. But you should enjoy yourselves NOW. Get it while the getting is good, that's what I say. You deserve to pleasure yourself with food and drink--you suffered hard this past year. I know I did. Diagnosed as Bipolar II. Divorced after 19 years of marriage. Became trailer park trash--moved into a double wide...that even *I* find hard to afford. Met the man of my dreams and his four kids. Was lucky enough to trick him into marrying me (hee hee). Became unemployed. And found a job that is both enjoyable and easy--that pays quite well also. 2009 will be a banner year.

Join me in telling 2008 "kiss-m-ass" and "buh-bye". May your 2009 be leaner in the gut and fatter in the wallet!!

Monday, December 15, 2008

Working For A Living...

Last you heard from me, back on the oooold blog, was that I had a part time job. I still do. And now I have a full time job also. I'm working about 60 hours a week right now. Fifteen to twenty hours are spent at the mall. I'm a fragrance rep. Which means I stand around and ask you "Would you like to try *XYZ*?" I am not on commission. Strictly by the hour. And I make $16.00 per hour to offer you to sniff the latest and the greatest. The fragrance I sell is the top seller at our local mall. In both women's and men's. So, the work isn't hard. It sells itself. I just have to stand around for 7-8 hours and smile. And it's fun.

My new full time job is for a "dirt" company. We haul rock, dirt, asphalt. We'll "we" don't. I work in the office. A glorified secretary. The pay is really good here too. But I'm in the office alone--for the most part. I've been here 5 days--and got a $100 bonus today. Kewl, eh?

But I am exhausted. And getting sick. I can't do this much longer--work two jobs I mean. I wish I could, but it's killing me. My nose is stuffed up. I feel like I haven't slept in three days. My eyeballs are literally TIRED. So, although I like the tinkley sound of money in my purse, I might have to quit the 'smell good' job. And just play in the dirt. I sorta like working around all these men too. They are quiet, nice and gentlemenly--surprising for a bunch of dirt hogs. But nice. So, if ya need a pad built for your new home, or a pond for your pasture, or asphalt on your parking lot...give us a call. The girl in the office is realllll nice.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Allow Me To (re)Introduce Myself...

It's me. Martie. Formerly of
Had to leave the old blog due to--well, I just had to.

Give me a few days. I'll let you into a world full of crazy antics. I like to call it "MY LIFE".

Main characters in my life:

Sweets--my husband since Oct. 25th 2008. My best friend. My hearts (and a few other body parts) desire. FUNNY.

Calie:--my 17 yr old. Beautiful. Not gonna say much else.
Claudia:-- my 8 yr old. Bossy. Moody. Beautiful.
Carson:--my 6 yr old. Severe ADHD son with a sprinkle of Oppositional Defiant Disorder. LOVE him.
Caden:--my 3 year old. 4 in April 09, and JUST potty trained.

Richard:-- aged 45: was my husband for 19 years. Now, he's just my babys daddy.
Miss A:--my ex's 25 year old girlfriend (soon to marry I'm sure).

The Beast:--my honey's exwife. This one is a tad crazy. And paranoid.

Now ME:--5'8", currently 155 (but determined to lose 15#). Blonde. Blue eyes. I'm a tad dramatic--and I'm told I'm funny on occassion. I'm 40. But I act 12ish. I'm Bipolar. But medicated--and under control. I'm in love. I like to laugh. I like to tell you everything. Sometimes it's TMI. Sometimes I cuss. Sometimes I drink--OK, more than sometimes--but not every night. I enjoy being 40. Did you ever hear that women are in their prime at 40? It's soooo true (see, here's some TMI stuff)!!

Check back soon.